A Prayer for My Daughter…

As taken from Tina Fey’s new book Bossypants

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.



Vintage jars tutorial- Put some jars to good use!

Shopping for vintage jars can be quite expensive, and why buy more when you have two dozen canning jars sitting around collecting dust?

I found a tutorial via Pinterest (which if you haven’t visited, you must, I have pintrexia), and thought I might try it out. I really love the result, however feel that I could have diluted the glass paint a bit more to get a little bit lighter of a glaze. Here is my result!

You can access the tutorial here. I bought two different glass paints. Vitrea 160 in Turquoise, and Vitrea 160 Paint Thinner. Both of these are available at your local craft store or Michael’s Craft Store.

I veered off from the picture below, however, and placed them on a sheet of parchment on top of a baking sheet. This made it easy so that I didn’t have to move them when I had to bake them.

I painted the outside of them, trying to cover them completely without leaving too many brushstrokes or drips.

image source

I then left them for 24 hours, and then baked them at 325 for 40 minutes and… voila!

The picture below shows them in my window seal mixed with baby food jars filled with rosemary. I love that I can just throw them up in the window and pick some herbs or flowers from the yard and place them in any of these jars. AND, when I have some flowers to give to a friend, I can dress up one of these jars and place the flowers in them and it makes a fantastic gift!

Happy Sunday!

An oreo INSIDE a chocolate chip cookie?

I know… is that possible??

I know I said I would post about birthday week… well we partied like it was 1999. Or maybe we partied like we were 99. I can’t remember. Anywho, I promise I will get to that, just as soon as the terrible twos escape my homestead.

I will, however, share with you this delectable recipe that I got from Serious Eats. It is sinful… it is dangerous… it is. an oreo. stuffed. inside. a chocolate chip. cookie.

image source

Here is my take. Plus a few tips along the way.

When making this awesome recipe, which I am going to also source here, make sure that your dough is on the cakey side. By this, I simply mean not too doughy. You almost want it to have the consistency of playdough, so that you can roll it around nicely, and it forms nicely around the oreo.

I used parchment paper underneath my cookies. I highly recommend this. One word: non-stick.

And voila! They did spread a little, but were utterly fantastic… so go have some moo juice and enjoy! Oh wait, you didn’t get any? Sorry, guess you will have to make your own!

Happy Saturday!

Back to Top