A different kind of “Mommy Guilt”…

Here it is, Saturday without Olivia (Grammy’s morning of fun)… and I was doing some sewing and definitely having time for reflection. I thought I would share some feelings I have been experiencing as a mom, and ask if maybe you moms have felt the same?

A few years ago, when having a heart to heart with a family member, I found out that one of my half- siblings actually despised me, when we were growing up, because when I came to visit I brought new toys with me, clothes, etc., and, unfortunately, my father wasn’t able to provide for them like that. He always was upset and mad at me and actually hated me because of the things that my mother’s side provided for me, and thought of me as a spoiled brat. There are other reasons that he thought of this that are private and I just won’t get into, but when I heard this, I was so upset. You see, I brought those things with me and would tell my mom, “I want to keep these things at Daddy’s house,” because I knew that they didn’t have them, and I wanted to share. I loved my brother and sister so much and couldn’t understand why my mom’s family didn’t buy them the same things that they bought for me, didn’t provide for them as they did for me. And don’t get me wrong, in no way were we well off at all, my mom and grandparents were just creative and belonged to a wonderful church community.

I recently overheard someone tell another, “Olivia always has the cutest clothes, and did you see the play kitchen they made her? I can’t believe it! Wait till they come up with something else!” Cue mommy guilt.

I provide for her as she needs. I buy her clothes when the others don’t fit. I donate those that don’t fit.  We buy her toys that fit her development as she grows, but mostly at target or on eBay (vintage fisher price toys!) or I make them. Grandparents are good to us, and we have 3 sets of them. Four if you count her great grandparents. Most importantly, she has more love than she could ever need. I wish I could bottle all of this up that we have for Olivia and give it to others.